‘I can’t hear you smile’: How video visitation is helping a father in prison stay connected to his children

Many Australians know December 21 as ‘Gravy Day’. This is a reference to the Paul Kelly song and new film How to Make Gravy, in which a prisoner named Joe writes a letter to his family four days before Christmas. In it, Joe misses his wife and relatives and asks, “Will you kiss my children on Christmas day?”

It is estimated that half of the men in Australian prisons are fathers. While incarcerated, it is extremely important for both fathers and children to maintain contact with their children.

This allows fathers to continue to contribute to their children’s lives and provide important social support. It can also reduce children’s mental pain.

One important way to do this is through “video visits,” facilitated by coronavirus restrictions. Our recently published research looked at how families experienced video visitation in two New South Wales prisons.

our research

Video visits can be difficult if the home or prison lacks equipment or has issues with technical support. However, our study aimed to understand how they support father-child relationships, given their widespread use during lockdown.

We looked at urban prisons and rural prisons. A total of 27 fathers participated in the interviews, of which 11 identified as Aboriginal and 4 as culturally and linguistically diverse.

We also interviewed 17 caregivers, most of whom were mothers. They cared for children from infants to teenagers.

recognizing each other

One way video visits support the father-child relationship is by allowing children to see and recognize their father’s face and by allowing fathers to see their children’s development. One caregiver said:

“For the past two years, she knew and was aware that her dad was on the phone, that he was using the iPad (…), so even if it was once a week… Well, she’s gotten used to seeing her daddy’s face.

Fathers also valued visual contact with their children so they could see how they changed and grew.

“(…) There is a big difference between a phone call and a video call. With visual contact, you don’t hear a smile. You can hear laughter, but it’s only when you can see the joy on someone’s face that Just look at them visually.”

Another carer added: “As you know, five years is a long time, especially for a young child. So I ended up watching my child grow every week.”

part of family life

Caregivers appreciated the flexibility of video visits and how they could incorporate them into their daily lives. Visits may take place at children’s sports activities or at the beach. They were able to show their father their room, their art, and the dance they had just learned. One caregiver said they planned events such as blowing out the candles on a birthday cake around video visits.

When organized in the home, video visits occur in a safe and familiar location for the child. One caregiver told us:

“(The kid) does better on video than he does in real life. On video, you can see he’s in his own home. He’s in his comfort zone. He does what he likes. “He can show (his father) his room.” He can get new toys (…) He has more options. ”

One father told us: “They’re happy, they’re comfortable, they’re not shy. They actually want to talk to you. It’s not like they have to stay here and talk to you. They can run away and come back. ”. ”

Another parent described how video visits allow fathers to observe some of their children’s “firsts.” “When[my child]first learned to crawl, I put the phone up against the lounge, held[my child]maybe a half meter away from the phone, and said to[my child]’Come on, crawl, crawl all the way up here. ‘Daddy,’ and (the child) crawled straight to the phone and kissed it. ”

Is it good for children?

Some parents noted that prison conditions can be distressing for children. Not only did this sometimes require hours of travel, but also strangers and long waiting times and security procedures.

“It’s not a place to bring your child,” said one caregiver. Another child said, “[The child]was very scared of the other inmates around him. And yeah, that’s why he actually prefers video calls.”

There are also challenges

Interviewees also described some challenges with video visits, noting that younger children quickly lose interest and “run away.”

She also said children can be upset at the end of a visit, especially if it ends abruptly.

“You know it beeps and then it switches off (…) but you know that sometimes it was very difficult when[the child]was in the middle of chatting about the day. If you cut off the conversation suddenly, she’ll be very upset and won’t understand.”

What’s next?

Our research strongly suggests that this type of visitation is important for families. Future efforts should focus on ways to improve the quality of visits and listen to what children want.

This does not mean that video visits should replace in-person visits, but they can help fathers and children maintain a genuine relationship.

Even if they can’t be together, at least dads can give their kids a virtual kiss on Christmas Day.

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.